Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Mysterious River

"Let it be said of me that I knew I wasn’t in control. Let it be said that I threw my hands in the air, took the free-fall and found my joy deep in His mysterious river." -therunamuck.com

Oh this free-falling. Jesus? Please help me to see this free-falling as adventure. You and me. Together. We got this.

I don't need to be afraid. I don't need to fear new churches, new friends, new people.

Jesus, there's so much new. New job? New ministry. New room. New year.



But we've got this.

You knew.

You knew before You finished shaping my lungs and my toes and my tendons that this free-falling was coming.

You knew.

You know.

You're here.

Now it's time to let go.

Mysterious river. <3 <3

Monday, August 22, 2011

I Want to Love You

It's the first Monday I've been home since June 5th. It's incredible. And good . . . to be home. What. A. Summer.

Jesus propped open the door and coaxed me by the light.

To Tadmor.

And crooked danae child tried to find herself in another picture, another world.

And there were a lot of failures.

But between the cracks of cement and sin, floral victories peaked the surface and sprung in radiance.

Yet even with the victories, I still lie dying, trying to figure out how to die gracefully.

How to lay down everything.

And what does it really mean to follow You, Jesus?

You cracked my world a few days back, told me to carry my cross, to come.

Jesus, I don't even know what my cross is? Oh how resistant the soil feels. Is there any good? Can You drip the Living-Water into these cracks to make me soft for You?

To teach me what it means to love You?

And I stand at the end of the summer feeling kind of stuck. Stuck between the past of Tadmor and the present and the future of Multnomah and new church and new people. And are You asking me to step out from all of the things I leaned on? Oh Jesus, I want to be free. I want to love You. In truth.

Amen, Jesus. Amen.