It's 8:26pm as I'm beginning this. Exactly 11 minutes past the time I was supposed to begin running on a treadmill. *Chuckle, Chuckle, Chuckle* Ah shucks, well, let's see if I can make this fast. For some reason, it just makes me sad that this blog hasn't been posted on since June.
And so much has been going on since June.
Most of it, I can't see. Most of it is Jesus working beyond the depth of my vision.
But one thing He has showed me is that there is something to be said about Endurance. That sometimes, pain and struggles last longer than we expect, but that's okay. Long lasting pain or struggle doesn't mean Jesus has forsaken us. It does not mean that He has failed us or given up or didn't show up at the right time.
Sometimes the "right time" is later than we think but never later than God knows. We are called to press on.
Endurance is not a strength for me, but I wonder if Jesus is trying to teach me not to be so afraid of pain. Of pain that may last long.
The pain may last longer than I hope, but Your love lasts longer.
I have much to learn to trust Jesus with pain.
So much to learn.
I have a lot to learn about not judging God. He showed that to me in reading The Shack. I'm not done with it, but from what I've read, there are such precious truths hidden within it if one is willing to accept it as fiction.
How often do I make judgements on YHWH regarding what He's doing in my life? Too. Often. Who do I think I am?
I have so much to learn.
I praise Jesus that during this time and space that I'm currently in, I'm not experiencing too much concentrated pain. There are past memories that make me sad, that dip my toes back into some of the painful waves. There are a few struggles that make my heart ache, but over all, I'm really not struggling too much right now. I praise Jesus for these moments.
But I also pray that I will praise Him when the pain comes back. When things break and things aren't easy.
Teach me, Jesus, please teach me to trust You. To give You my expectations of how You should use pain in my life. I want to know in my soul and trust that You know exactly how much I can take. You won't give me an ounce more. What a gentle God. Alleluia.