Monday, August 30, 2010

Thanks From College

Well, I'm here, typing out my first blog post in college. What a crazy, wild thing. What a good thing. I am absolutely loving Multnomah. I arrived here on Thursday, and the weekend was packed with different activities. They've been good and fun, and I've met so many people. So. Many. People, and it's great. And God's grace is so incredible.

My gratitude list starts at 732 today. Wow.

Jesus? thank You for

732. the kind welcome here when I came by the faculty and students.

733. a nice dorm room, a good place to stay.

734. a good roommate :)

735. reminding me of Your beautiful grace, that strong blood, Your cry to save me.

736. sweet hugs by other girls.

737. laughing and cheering for the Timbers with a new friend.

738. the phone call home.

739. meeting Dee and Irene, two sweet ladies working in one of the offices here.

740. an especially yummy meal on saturday and the luau and watching other people limbo.

741. a stack of brightly colored envelops, addressed and ready to send to camp girls.

742. this one lanky fellow making me laugh.

743. a beautiful church building and the speaker reminding us that Jesus has blessed us that we can share Him with others.

744. that I only have one class on Monday. YES.

745. watching a little girl at church, nod and smile. cute.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Last Post Before College!

Thank You, Jesus,

721. for a brand new laptop from my parents,

722. for the cool, refreshing air splashing my skin

723. for two of sisters' friends surprising her for her birthday

724. for a Pastor listening

725. for that visit to tell her goodbye

726. for friend's kind poem and words

727. for sister and me, both having same toe ring :)

728. for the testimony of a sweet man's life

729. for Briana's thoughtful, fun going-away gifts.

730. for the excitement of the adventure

731. for a last grateful post at home before college.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


"See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the seasons of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land."

Song of Solomon 2:11-12 NIV

Praise God!! It's almost here, the daylight. Joy.

Monday, August 16, 2010


Spinning, spinning, the earth continues its orbit, not shaken by the chaos in my life. I'm glad to know there are things bigger than me. That there is a Being bigger than me. I'm so grateful for His rescue, for the way He's leading me through the chaos of my own making. I'm not sure the ending yet. He's working on shaping it for me. I am so helpless, and He is so hopeful. I'm so hypocrite, He is so truth and Holy and purifying. May it all be known.

Thank You for . . .

706. Time with family and healing

707. Field of wildflowers

708. Cousin trying to convince me to Kansas . . . :) Grin.

709. Mom finding a gift card I was missing.

710. The compliment from a stranger.

711. Dad and I finally finding Dominos to bring pizza back to the hotel.

712. Hearing a message about how Christians have victory in the spiritual with Christ.

713. Ann Voskamp's blog post on fishing line.

714. Bags of new college things. Can't. Believe. I'm. Actually. Doing. This.

715. Running water on toes.

716. Finding brightly colored envelopes. One for $.01. :) I got about a 100 . . . ;)

717. Seeing pregnant friend and how she's grown, in more ways than one. :)

718. Visiting sister while she babysat and hearing her little fellow calling me "NayNay."

719. Air Conditioning.

720. Getting rid of things.

Amen. :)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I Lift My Eyes

Okay, the last few posts haven't been too uplifting, and I suppose if I'm honest, I'm not fully cleansed or healed, nor is this family, but as I began to write another "real," depressing blog post, I decided this isn't where I should be going. I haven't done my gratitude list in two weeks. I haven't truly humbled myself before God's throne in quite awhile. Today's the day . . .

Jesus? Thank You . . .

696. For girls giggling

697. Roasting marshmallows with 5th and 6th graders

698. Memories of cake fights and being scared by Mr. Taylor at Drift Creek

699. One silly girl looking at my sweatshirt and quickly proclaiming . . . "Iowa Hawk-eee's" (instead of Hawkeyes). Ah little Firecracker (I miss you and all of those other ladies in my cabin!).

700. My chat with D about the crash and burn after camp. He's not sure how he'll make it. I know.

701. Watching my cabin of girls at camp come up with their skit. So. Funny.

702. Leading the kids in funny motions during songs.

703. Playing Duck, Duck, Goose with hyper youngsters.

704. Getting to know my co-counselor more. Our laughs. Her teaching me things.

705. That You are merciful and strong. Please, take me back?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Leper Crying

I want to go home. Away. This numbness is killing me. Nightmare. I disappointed them so much, hurt them tremendously, and I can't even FEEL the wrong. I don't understand.

Oh Jesus? Are You really "by my side wherever i fall in the dead of night, whenever i call, can I please not fight Your hands that are holding me? Do You really love me? Do you really want me to know? that You love me, that You'll never let me go?" Did I disappoint You too? Do You hate me yet? I want to be held, Jesus, but am I too wrong to be touched by You? Can You hold the leper again? Please? Because I think she's dying right now.

The end.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Safe Place

The safe place was compromised, and now it's a whirlwind of tears and anger. Three years ago, one year ago, I wouldn't have guessed. Life was simple, and conflict was just random snags on the back of life. I don't understand why life gets so complicated as time goes on. Why the nest we hide in as children is slowly taken away.

A big reason why I wanted to leave home for college was that I'd stand on my own, on Jesus. Maybe the nest is being taken, the safe places disrupted so I recognize there is only one safe place. You, Jesus. Your arms around me. I'm scared and confused, and I'm not sure how I'm going to get untangled from this one. I've let a whole lot of hurt into this family. Yeah, me. The one who won the student of the year awards, the servant's heart award. The one that other parents were jealous of. Yep. We all fall short. I fall so much shorter. The safe place was compromised. I was angry at You, Jesus. I was angry that You didn't take the desires away, that I couldn't feel You, that I didn't want to give the desires away. I'm frustrated that things aren't just turning out, that they're so intertwined and difficult. And I need You, Jesus! I need You, now. I need Your strong arms and Your deep wisdom. And lots and lots and lots of grace.

Please come. Be my safe place. The harbor. Bring this family back, make it a safe place again . . . please?