Monday, July 26, 2010

Dragons of Memories

I try to daily write in a journal, filling it with letters (I guess people call them prayers) to my Heavenly Father. I'm not exactly sure how I got started, but I think I began during January of my seventh grade year. Anyways, I'm so glad I started, and I'd encourage anyone (especially if you like to express yourself through writing) to start . . . it's a great way to get out some caged up, unaccounted for emotions onto paper, and it helps keep a steady record of how the Lord has been working. Anyway, that's that.

So, last night, I kept my entry pretty short. It was about dragons. I wondered if some dragons die slowly or if they just resurrect a couple of times before they stay in their graves. The past few weeks, maybe I should say months, I've been fighting dragons, particularly last week, warring against this particular issue that has come up, that I had probably fed for too long. Anyways, there were days where this dragon seemed quite conquered. And yet other days? The same horrid fellow creeps up into my zone. Again. Sometimes it's just a memory that's a match, and he's lit up like a Christmas tree, ready to blast his fire. Sometimes, I don't hit at him quick enough, and he's just there, until I realize the urgency of the situation.

Okay, is this completely nonsense or are you picking up what I'm laying down? You know what I'm saying? Okay, it may be nonsense regardless, but "dragons" are "dragons." And I can't fight them on my own.

Mom and I try to walk almost each weekday, and we share verses with each other. I wanted to share one verse with you that she shared with me and that was also shared in church this past Sunday (maybe I'm supposed to be learning something?? haha). This is a dragon slayer verse . . .

Isaiah 41:10 New Living Translation:

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

God's got our back . . . a good thing, huh? Of course, we don't just leave it at that. We must "Be still and know" (thank you Addie and Holly for this reminder), trusting that He is God.

Wherever you are today, whatever dragons you're working on killing, know that the true Dragon-Slayer is with you, that even if the dragons might seem to resurrect, the ultimate victory has been decided from the beginning. What a good thing.

Thank you Jesus . . .

681. That I'm really small, but He's really big, that I can trust Him. He knows how to deal with them dragons after all . . . :)

682. Potato bread, the store-bought, hardly-good-for-you kind. :)

683. Holly friend encouraging me with what I needed to hear.

684. Little girls' smile and their tackles and laugh when I tickled them.

685. Morning star

686. Expanses of wheat shoots

687. The green-ness of a grass field

688. The way my sister is so amazing at photography

689. Playing "Come Thou Font" with Briana (sister) for offertory.

690. Singing with friends at Willamette Celebration

691. Fresh blueberries

692. Him working on me . . . it's about Jesus-dependence.

693. A church library filled with books and more on the way hopefully.

694. Being able to read a small Max Lucado book in one setting, hidden away.

695. The "Nuggets" (Bible Verses) Mom and I share on our walks.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Holly is one of my best friends. I met her when she first started attending my high school. We were freshman and became friends, but it wasn't until senior year that we really grew as close friends. It started at senior camp-out when we stayed up until 2 in the morning speaking in Spanish and about our futures and about how we'd tell on each others' kids about how late we made each other stay up. :)

I know that Jesus sent me this girl senior year because He knew I'd need her. Holly, you have seen me when I'm broken and ugly and discouraged, and yet you have still loved me and encouraged me and have threatened to beat up a certain boy for me (wink) and beat me up too . . . :) LOL You have been prayer warrior and encourager . . . one of my best friends. I love you.

Thank you for talking with me on the phone today. You leave me encouraged, with things to think about. After I hung up with you, I was sitting by the front window eating lunch. I still don't feel like myself, and I still feel kind of crud-ish, but I want to be like David. I want to be honest. So here's my public declaration. I hope the devil sees it . . . :)

Yahweh, awhile back, I told You "no matter what." I didn't know what that statement would mean, but I knew that it could cost me things that I love. Jesus, You took away a silly thing that I really shouldn't care so much about, yet I have, and it's hurt. But Jesus, I choose to love You still. I have been faithless, but You remain faithful. I choose to trust You with my future. I don't want to believe it, but I choose to trust You that you have "Caleb" all figured out, that someday, if You will, I'll get to meet him. I will follow You, Lord. You do have me in Your hands. I choose joy. JOY. Please restore unto me the joy of my salvation! I am NOT the VICTIM! (Satan, are you hearing this? I HATE you. I will NOT listen to the lies.) I trust in Your love, Jesus, that it is enough. I hand over my pain. I am being made holy. I am set free. I am child of GOD, of the King. Praise You, Lord! You have saved me, You have redeemed me. I am Yours.

Please, I'm going to close my eyes for awhile and just trust You. You're in this rocking boat too, aren't You? You know. Thank You for recording all my tears. Thank You for listening to my doubts and putting up with my anger, (or maybe I should say, still loving me while I'm angry . . .). I really don't know how to move on right now, but please help me. I still want to be Yours. Please.

"You've got Holly and Danae, in Your hands, You've got Holly and Danae, In Your hands, You've got Holly and Danae, in Your hands, You've got their whole world in Your hands."

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


I am Israel. I wrestle with Almighty God. I was going to write this post about how I've been wrestling with Him, how I should just be trusting Him, etc etc, but I went to Ann Voskamp's blog today, and her words said what I could never say, what I hadn't even thought of saying. They may just be centering me, bringing me back. Sometimes, God does wound us, and it hurts. The story doesn't have to end here.

If you've got a moment, it will be well worth your time to take a stop at A Holy Experience to read Ann's post. You won't regret it. Love from: danae

Monday, July 19, 2010

Quite the Week

From last Sunday to this Sunday, it has been quite the week. Decisions, college class registration, tears, broken relationships, mending relationships. My. But tucked within the chaos and the pain, there have been joy and song. Even When I Couldn't Hear It. Because God is love, and He teaches me the New Song, the brilliance of morning, of being free. With an open heart, I want to give Him my Thanks. Honest thanks, for:

661. Being able to pick fresh, red raspberries.

662. The joy on Grandma and Grandpa's face when sis and I visited them.

663. Getting smoothies with Briana and sitting outside with her to keep warm while I'm drinking my cold smoothie. :)

664. That I could clean "my" church.

665. Being able to talk things out with my dad.

666. A comment on my blog by a friend :)

667. For Jesus leading me to make a decision and giving me the strength to do it.

668. Being able to cry and release and hopefully move forward now. Free.

669. The way dear Friend came and sat with me and talked with me. She understood and cared and encouraged. Jesus knew I needed her then.

670. Director friend's hug and understanding.

671. E-mails from Chinese friends. I miss 'em!

672. Picnics outside on our kinda new picnic table.

673. That I'm a step closer to college, classes figured out.

674. That I could re-read some old letters I wrote to a friend, that I could be put back into perspective.

675. Blueberries and raspberries growing from our plants here.

676. "Sunrise" by Nicole Nordeman

"If I had the chance
To go back again
Take a different road, bear a lighter load
Tell an easy story

I would walk away
With my yesterdays
And I would not trade what is broken for beauty only

Every valley
Every bitter chill
Made me ready to climb back up the hill
And find that . . .

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?

You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise

There's a moment when
Faith caves in
There's a time when every soul is certain God is gone

But every shadow is evidence of sun
And every tomorrow holds out hope for us
For every one of us

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?

You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise

You alone will shine
You alone can resurrect this heart of mine

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?

You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night, You are sunrise

You are sunrise"

677. His Words. Psalms 119:25-32. Especially verse 32:

"I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free."

678. Another friend mouthing the words, "We'll be praying." The love of God is a marvelous thing.

679. Letter from sister.

680. The cherry tree on the side of the road . . . our personal snack machine after Mom and my walks. :)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Uh Oh

So tomorrow is class registration for college. Uh. Yikes. So I'm in my room, thinking about this, and I start to get this nervous sensation creep into my stomach. . . uh. I'm going to be going to COLLEGE?!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! I think it's just starting to sink in. What do you think? :P Haha :) So I was wondering, well, I don't have to do this, maybe college wasn't such a smart idea. This is scary! lol But, the small part of my mind that is still somewhat sane tried to calm the wildly anxious part of my brain, that it's okay, it'll be all good. Uh huh. Whatever. ;)

One of my cousins asked me during our family reunion what am I most excited about for college and what I'm most scared about. Well, I didn't really have a good answer for him because it hadn't sunk in yet. Well, it's starting too. How about I think things "out loud" . . . (what do you call it when you think things through blog writing??)

What I'm Nervous About:

The transition. Just figuring out how I fit into everything, fit into relationships and a different work load, fitting into a new church and a city, as far as that goes.

I'm nervous about my roommate and that transition. It's exciting, but it's also scary. It's been awhile since I've shared a room with someone (well, I guess it hasn't been that long ago, but it feels like it). I know I will have so much growing to do, so much shedding of the selfishness and the independence and privacy. That will be good for me, but probably not easy (and SCARY!). ;)

I'm nervous that I won't stand strong, that I'll melt into this Multnomah student. I don't want to do that. I want to be able to go to college and be danae. Jesus' danae. I want to embrace who I'm meant to be and not shrink away but be strong. Strong to love and wrap arms around and share even when I want to withhold. I want to give so much more of myself than I do now, so much more of Jesus. I don't want to just wear a mask to fit in; I want to fit in because I am the real deal, you know? I want to really truly LOVE Jesus, want to know Him, not just act like it to measure up to others' passionate hearts. I want to be able to stand strong in what is true, even when people around me might swerve toward something that would be harmful because that probably happens . . . even at Bible schools. I've got some preparing = praying to do.

Okay, you want a real honest one? I'm nervous that my attention will not stay focused on Christ, that I'll be distracted by the . . . . (boys). I don't want that! I want the right boy to come when I'm not looking for him anyways! lol Plus, it's time to surrender 'em and focus on Jesus and friendships. Not having brothers or any close guy friends makes it kind of hard . . . I'm nervous about healthy, good, easy-going relationships with guys as brothers thru Jesus. Something for me to pray about.

It will be so crazy to be away from my family. That's going to be so hard. That part hasn't sunk in fully yet, but it will be miserable when it does. Jesus has been preparing my wings for sometime I think, but it will still be so hard to move away from people that I so dearly love and who so graciously love me.

And I'm excited too:

I'm excited for new relationships, new friendships.

I'm excited to flex my wings, to stand on Christ . . . by myself.

I'm excited for good classes, Bible classes.

I'm excited to learn to love Jesus more and people too, to meet new people at a new church, to love people through ministry outreaches.

I'm excited to decorate a dorm room and watch Biggest Loser with friends (hopefully . . . please tell me there will be other MU girls that love B.L. . . . please!).

Ah, I have so much growing to do, so much more "rooting" I need to do in Jesus before I head out. It will be good to figure out classes tomorrow. Though it will be amazing when classes start, I'm glad school doesn't start tomorrow. I definitely need more prep time. But this will be good, this little dip into college. So, I must not "be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present [my] requests to God." His peace will guard my heart and mind. So, see ya later! Next time I blog, I'll probably have my classes figured out, a new mailing address, and an MU ID Card . . . so until then, Farewell. :)

Monday, July 12, 2010

Summer Thanks

646. For fireflies lighting a field

647. S'mores over a stove over laughter

648. Watching parade with family

649. Watching fireworks color sky

650. A day-a-week job

651. Helping Mom clean out guest bedroom

652. Watching the stars with Dad

653. Watching Full House with sister

654. Making it safely home

655. Long Letter from Dad

656. Doing an exercise video with Mom

657. Talking with a friend, being with her for her homecoming party

658. Playing croquet with above friend and others

659. Coming across another Christian radio station

660. The beautiful scenery on a drive to friend's house . . . rolling fields and the greens and blue sky and beauty.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

If All the Rain Drops Were Bubble Gum . . .

. . . I'd be pelted with holes. :) Or maybe I'd wait until all the balls fell and pick 'em up, start a candy store, and bring in the big bucks for a summer job that I am currently lacking. Oh boy. :) Right now, it's raining outside. In Iowa. And it's not the normal Oregon rain. Oh no. This is Iowan, torrential downpour rain, rain you only have to stand out in a couple of seconds, and you're drrrenched. It's amazing to me how it can rain and rain and rain in Oregon and no problem. (It's actually normal. Weird) yet one rain here can fill a basement with water and the streets with inches of flowing H20. An amazing thing. Well, I better go. I really have nothing important to say at all, but I felt like typing and blogging, and it's raining so . . .

Monday, July 5, 2010


I'm pretty sure "Danke" means "Thank You" in German, and I owe many of them to many but especially to Him.

Danke . . .

631. For the safe trip to and from Family Reunion

Danke . . .

632. For the graduation party my Z. Family threw for me, the kind, generous gifts and the beautiful cake. For Love.

Danke . . .

633. For the puzzles I got to help work on, a simple pleasure and for it allowing us cousins, family to work together and just be together.

Danke . . .

634. For the way cousin J was so friendly and reached out and made me feel significant. I really do appreciate it. So Much.

Danke . . .

635. For all the other cousins who reached out, for those that came and joined me at the puzzle table or the other relatives who asked about college plans.

Danke . . .

636. For those cute little puppies we got to see after a Beachy Amish meal. Too cute.

Danke . . .

637. For Mom being able to see a friend from long ago and me seeing her too and her kind words.

Danke . . .

638. For You, Jesus, changing my heart about certain things.

Danke . . .

639. For little girl and boy freckles.

Danke . . .

640. That I'm not who I was two years ago when I came here the last time.

Danke . . .

641. For the Healer song that we sang at my aunt and uncle's church.

Danke . . .

642. For that sweet donut I had after their church service . . . mmmm. :)

Danke . . .

643. For the e-mail from Dad.

Danke . . .

644. For spending time and laughing with Mom's friend.

Danke . . .

645. For the beautiful piano music played by the piano tuner at Mom's Friend's house. :)

And for what's yet to come. Danke.