The sky was gray and the fields a marvelous green, and it was late, but I still knew it would be good for me to get out and walk for awhile to my road's nearest "T" and back a few times. There were still swatches of white light filtered through the clouds. The rain holding back for then.
And sometimes, the gray and the green are perfect colors for God-with-man walks.
God, I'm so confused and tired of fighting and thinking and this feeling of being so fake and my thoughts not even sounding like me anymore. I don't know about these things, Jesus!
danae, what do you know?What have I taught you?
And I spoke it. The clouds and the green blades my witnesses. For there are things I do know.
God, You are the One who sees me, who looks after me (Hagar).
You provide. On the Mount of the LORD, it will be provided (Abraham).
YHWH, this year, You've showed me that You are strong, that You can handle my emotions.
Father, I know that You are involved in the details of my life. That YOU, Creator, Nation Mover, Powerful God, that YOU are involved in my life, involved enough to speak into my heart situations.
I know that I am wanted. You WANT me, Jesus! I don't know why, but You've showed me that this is really true.
I know that I can trust You. Trust You to change me, to get me where I need to be. I love You.
God, this year, You've taught me about the importance of being honest with others, of living in transparent community. Living life with people.
And the sky opened a little and water sprinkled against my face.
And it was Jesus, and I closed my eyes and felt Him touching me.
I'm learning that it is a beautiful thing to live life open to God. I know that He knows everything about my life, but when I try to live in Him, trying to expose myself and live naked before Him like Eve in Eden, when I try to say how I'm feeling so I'm sharing it and opening myself to Him, then I am more free. I'm open.
And when I'm open . . . He can reach down and touch me. Even if it comes in rain drops against my face.
I'm still confused about some things, but it sure helps to be open. And really, there are very important things that I am NOT confused about. These I hold on to.
Thank You so much, Jesus, for going on that walk with me. You held my hand, Most High, didn't You? You are my Healer, and I love You. Thank You for touching me.