Lately, I've found myself feeling very sentimental about my time here at Multnomah. I walk the same cement sidewalks again and again, and I can't imagine living another life. After all, I have BIBLE READING for HOMEWORK! How better can life be? I'm surrounded by beautiful people who love Jesus and make me laugh and let me cry. I'm connected with friendships that are DEEP because they're tied in by Jesus. We try to know each other and encourage each other. I love the way that I can go on adventures with friends with the sole purpose of just loving people because we have (or make) the time and have the resources. I love that I have a community that I feel comfortable with. I love this world.
And recently, I feel like I've been living in this awkward place of sentiment, not living in the enjoyment of the world but living in a space of being afraid of letting it go.
I came to Multnomah University last year. I fell in love. The people. The Bible. The Chapels. (the list goes on. even in the little things. dorm life. cafe food. gym access. chance to "be an adult." i'm a dork. smile.) But I've told myself that I don't want to nose dive deep into debt unless this is where I KNOW God wants me. Plus, I really have no rock solid plan for my future, so while I would LOVE to continue at MU (and just might), I feel like I'm living with the possibility that some of these moments could be my last. This could be my last fall semester. (COULD). These months living in the dorms with beautiful daughters of God could be numbered. (COULD). I don't know.
But instead of simply embracing every moment, I'm afraid I'm trying to smuggle every moment. Letting every beautiful memory end on with a twinge of sad.
And it's here I think Jesus wants to teach me something about Gratitude.
You see, I think thankfulness is about letting go.
I said it.
Gratitude fully experiences. It experiences the moments, lifts the moments to God to bless Him for it, and lets the moments go to experience the new ones.
Gratitude keeps us from getting stuck.
Well, in theory it should. I can't say I'm a big pro on that yet, but I think Jesus is trying to show me something valuable here.
There are so few guarantees in this life. Am I surrendering every moment? Am I living like the sprinkles of soft rain on my face and the laughter with friends and the worship in chapel are undeserved gifts from God that I must FULLY EXPERIENCE and then carefully let go to experience the other gifts that He continues to bring my way? I've got some thinking to do. :)