Monday, October 31, 2011

Day 31: The Unfinished Finale

Thirty one days.

I have never blogged so much. In. My. Life.

It was quite the journey. :)

I don't know that I'm ending the thirty one days with many intense discoveries, but I have worked through some of the issues I struggled with, and I've spent more time with Jesus than I did the month before.

But the journey doesn't end here. It can't end here because I'm not done praying, and I don't want to be done learning what it means to really pray and pray HARD.

I wanted to end the month with how Jesus used prayer in my day today. On the thirty-first day.

I woke up this morning, went to breakfast, talked out group presentation with some of the people from marriage and family class, and then I headed to the library, weighed down in fatigue and brokenness.

It was the frustrated brokenness. The brokenness that is chaotic and confused and angry and sad. The brokenness that leaves me wondering how I'll make it through the rest of the day because it's suffocating and painful.

I traveled into worship chapel with a heavy heart, and I broke as we sang the words about God wrapping me in His arms and being my everything. Tears.

And I looked for one of my dear friends, Kayla. I needed that 11-99, someone to bring me to Jesus because I was breaking.

Oh Jesus! Thank You so much for Kayla!!!

Oh, I praise God for friends. Kayla, you hugged me and let me cry and share my hurt and brokenness. And I asked if you would pray, and you did. Thank you so much. You don't understand how powerful that was for me.

You spoke God's Word over me, and that was probably one of the most powerful parts. You claimed God's promises in your prayer, that if we seek, we will find. He'll open the door if we knock. That was so powerful for me.

But it was also very powerful just that You knocked on Heaven's door, and He listened to you and saved me.

The craziest thing was, I was still broken, but God's peace came in. It was no longer the confused, angry, hurt, frustrated brokenness. It was the peaceful kind, and I can survive the peaceful kind.

As my day continued, it became much better. It was sunny, and I made it through my presentation in Marriage and Family, and I survived my quiz in one class, and I laughed with coworkers at my job and with friends in general, and I worked out while laughing and talking with one of my roommates, and . . .

Jesus? You come to my rescue.

You come.

You are.

Thank You so much for listening to Kayla. Please help me to remember to be active in praying for others and to pray Your promises. That was SO POWERFUL when she prayed Your promises.

Thank You so much that You don't leave us as we are, but You change us and make us new. You teach us, Jesus. You teach us about Yourself and who we are and how to pray and grow and love.

You don't leave us as orphans. You come. You come into the brokenness and the pain, and sometimes You don't always take it away, but You bring Yourself into it. You bring peace into it.

Thank You for these 31 days. This isn't over, Jesus. Please, I don't want it to be over. I want to be committed to prayer like You, Jesus. That sounds overwhelming, but You know how to teach me step by step.

I love You. Thank You for being God and for being real. For being God in it all. I really am glad to be Simply Yours.

I love You, Jesus.

But I want to love You even more.

In Jesus' name.
Amen.

2 comments:

Mom said...

I'm sorry to read that you are still wrestling!!! I will keep praying. There are many people there on the staff that I am sure could be helpful too, if you could find it in yourself to reach out to them. I love you my dear girl.

danae said...

Mom!

Thank you so much for your blog comment! It's so special to get a comment from you. :) I really am doing just fine. I am wrestling, but I'm afraid I'll be doing that a lot through this time now and probably through the rest of my life, so it's okay. It's just learning how to seek and invite Jesus into those moments. :) Thank you for your prayers. I love you very much too!!!! :)

Lots of love: danae :)