He Pulls Me Back Up

Cut-throat honesty.

I don't like how many inches it takes for the measuring tape to wrap around my belly. I don't like how I easily let myself lose control, and I stuff things in my mouth because I'm bored or because I think I can control pleasure. Sometimes, the "littler" sins bear the biggest shame and the shame keeps me quiet and that keeps me chained.

But sometimes, I really do struggle with eating, with self-control. I'm a twenty year old, and I struggle with body image, and while I'm a lot more confident than many I know, I still struggle with the shadow in the mirror. I struggle with health and self-control.

But healthiness means this. I wipe the dust off my shoulders, and I stick that measuring tape back in the drawer. I tie on my tennis shoes and make a deal with my hands, my mouth, my eyes. It is not about restriction. It's about freedom. I am free to be healthy by the grace of God. I am free to exercise self-control. Freedom. I am free to be fully reliant on the real true God, Jesus, the One who cares about the simplest things, like what I put in my mouth and how often I get on the treadmill. Well, to be honest, those things probably aren't as important to Him as to why I'm putting the second cupcake in my mouth and why I force myself to spend hours in the gym per week. He sees the extremes. He loves me. He saves me.

The focus of the rest of tonight is healthiness. I have made several wrongs within today already, but the day is not over. Your day isn't either. :) I'm grabbing Your hands, Jesus. Thank You for pulling me back up. Let's win this! (: