It is the last of the days of October [when I first started this post].
I won't lie. Maybe I breathe a longer sigh of relief than I should because it's over, letting out the steam of a rigorous month and just excited that this season won't last for ever. I sure know I'll mourn its loss, but for now, I am trying to live out the dying days. Kinda ironic. Kinda life.
Not that my life is horrible. Not that my life is always work and no break. Not that my life really is incessantly busy (sometimes it is . . . but not always).
But sometimes I feel so ill-fitted.
Sometimes the weight of the responsibilities get to me, and sometimes my emotions get to me, and sometimes not sleeping enough and eating too much sugar and not exercising like I should . . . it just gets to me.
Sometimes people meeting after people meeting dries me up a little, you know?
Sometimes trying to figure out the bizarre, unresolved corners of my life or even just the future, possible horizons . . . it wears me down. Gets to me.
This whole month, I'm not sure I've learned a lot about rest. I've wrestled though and have wanted to despise it, to call it out as fraud or impossible or that which belongs to the weak or the self-seeking.
But even if I've called it names . . . most of these are undeserved.
These are the lessons of rest (some of which I've learned from friends like Bonnie & Ethan):
1) To rest is to be vulnerable and to trust that the Lord is Sovereign and is the One in control . . . not me.
2) To rest is to realize I'm a person with limitations and that I am more than what I do or produce. I am a daughter of the I AM. His name is not "I DO."
3) To rest is to face myself without distraction. It is the courage to be still and face the Lord and face myself.
4) To rest is to help me safeguard against temptation. The more tired I am, the more prone I am to fall.
5) Rest is not just sleeping. Sleeping isn't even always restful. Rest is a holistic need . . . mental, physical, spiritual, emotional. Rest at its purest seems to be intentional.
6) Peace and Trust and Rest are very intrinsically linked. You have peace when relationships are right, and when relationships are right, there is trust, and only when there is some level of trust can there be true rest.
There are more lessons to be learned. I didn't dig as deep on this one as I should have. This is a rich topic that needs to be unearthed, and I'm so stubborn.
All I know is that sometimes, my life-line is just this . . .
He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.
Only in Him does holistic rest come. Jesus.