Monday, October 21, 2013

Ode to Day 13, 14, 15, 15 . . . 21

It would be sweet to say that these past few days have been days devoted to rest, and that's why this blog has been so silent.

The silence is eerie. Don't trust it. Though the past two days were pretty restful, some of the other past days haven't been, but I asked for that, right? Didn't I sign up for this?

I really don't feel like I've been busier than most, but I get tired quickly and sometimes just the constant going and going (even if it's not particularly rushed or too stressed) and the consistent people interactions wears me down.

Plus, life isn't restful. It's not.

And that's okay. That has to be okay.

I'm kind of getting sick of "rest." Ha :) Maybe because the seeking of rest can be positive or it can be entirely filled with selfishness and entitlement. How do I seek Him and find rest in Him without coming to rest with my definition of how I think it has to look like?

I wonder if finding rest is finding what Jesus wants for me in each minute, if it may be possible that that late night for a friend or long talk when I should have done homework or however (though extremely tiring) was just what He wanted of me, and maybe I can rest in that.

Maybe there is  rest that comes from knowing I am right where I need to be, that if He is really is the One asking this of me, it is fully worth it.

Still not sure what rest means, but step by step, if I can find my way to Jesus, I know I will find the rest that I need, maybe not the rest I assume is perfect but the kind of rest I really need.

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