It was a yucky day today. I wish I knew why. I have some ideas, but it wasn't like there was anything really horrible that happened.
It was a World Christianity assignment that sent me to Montavilla Baptist church this evening. I went for their Hispanic service to fulfill a grade requirement of visiting an international church. When I got there, however, I found that the services (the Hispanic and the normal English evening service) were combined this Sunday. Rats. I seriously contemplated the idea of just leaving then. (I'm so horrible) BUT! it had been a bad day. I needed Jesus. Maybe, just maybe . . . I could find Him there? Or He could find me.
In the front of the sanctuary, there was a table holding communion items. Maybe this would be my connection back to peace and Jesus after a pain-filled day. I needed Jesus so badly. I needed love so desperately. So. Desperately.
The service began with some worship, a man from Cuba spoke while another man translated, one man gave a devotional. I didn't really get anything from that. I was still sizzling and frying in something I don't really know how to accurately describe. Pain? Hurt? Fear? Desperation? Maybe a little bit of everything. After awhile, it was time for communion.
And Jesus and I spoke.
And I'm quite confident He understand exactly what I was dealing with in that pew, what I had been dealing with throughout the day, and a part of my struggle was fear. And I think He knows what the fear of being hurt is. Garden of Gethsemane. Night before the worst time of His life. Of any life. And because of this, He understands. But He also reminded me of something else.
Danae, I want you.
Why do You want me, Jesus? You don't understand! You have no reason to want me!
I made You, danae.
I don't know why Jesus would want me, but it feels so good to be wanted. Maybe I had completely forgotten that He did. But I can't tell you how much it meant to me to hear that. It made me cry. You see, Jesus is my best Friend. Am I His Best Friend? Uh, . . . no, probably not. I have been such a horrible friend to Him, it's disgusting. In fact, I really haven't even paid much attention to Him lately. He brought that to mind this Saturday. But it's a new week, isn't it?
The earlier parts of today weren't my favorite. I'll confess, it was a struggling-to-stay-breathing type of day, but once again, Jesus came. He calmed the storm. I'm safe again, and I'm loved, and it's really going to be okay.
And you, friend? You're wanted too. I hope you know. It's a proven fact . . . proven with the rough pieces of a tree, connected in the shape of a cross where this Man gave up His everything. for you. We are so loved. You are wanted. <3