Sunday, December 13, 2009


The past few years, Christmas was not on the top of my list for favorite holidays. It has been glamorous and extravagant, and well, empty. Each year, I tried to focus on the King. I'd sing, "I want this Christmas to be different than before . . . I want something more, so to the manger I run, to the manger I bow before Your tiny feet, with the straw beneath my knees, this is what Christmas was meant to be." I tried to spill Christianity into Christmas, and I always failed. I think it's kinda a personality thing actually. I'm a very "sensing" person. In order for things to really click, I need to feel them, touch them, EXPERIENCE them. You can tell me a story of poor Mexican orphan kids and show me the pictures, and it'd possibly break my heart, but if you really want to touch me, I've got to experience their pain and connect with them. I hadn't been experiencing Christmas. I had been trying to make Christmas an experience if that makes any sense at all. Well, this year is kinda different (and I'm so happy!) . . . I've been given the opportunity to actually EXPERIENCE Christmas.

During November, my Sunday school teacher asked me (well, to be true to the circumstance, I guess "told" would be a better word choice than "asked") if I'd play the part of Mary in our church's annual Christmas pageant. Oh. My. Word. I was so shocked! and Excited! Being Mary was kind of an impossible dream I semi-subconsciously had. But this wasn't dream land, this was R.E.A.L! I honest-to-goodness felt like Mary at that point, felt like I had been handed this enormous gift, and I completely didn't deserve it. (I know, I know . . . deep down, I'm kinda a drama queen, but this meant so much to me!) I've spent hours practicing and so has the rest of the cast. Tonight's our dress rehearsal. Our actually performances start this upcoming week. I can't believe it's almost here!

Playing the part of Mary has really shaken up my Christmas mood this year (as well as listening to mainly Christian Christmas music). Let's just say that Mary and I are pretty tight this year, and I'm learning so much about what she might have been feeling by playing this part, and let's just say, that girl didn't have it very easy. Amy Grant gave a little talk about her, aired on KNLR radio lately, about how Mary had to have been so vulnerable, so completely dependent on God. Imagine how scary it would be to be semi-responsible for the Son of God! And I have no idea what kinda feelings she had for Joseph, but I couldn't imagine how her heart dropped when it clicked that she'd have to tell her man that she was pregnant. Scary! She had to fully lean on Father God throughout that whole experience because the townspeople sure weren't going to give her grace or applause or honor for something they might have perceived as fornication. Her hope had to have completely rested in God as well as her peace.

I don't know what it will be like for me after this pageant is over. I'm kinda dreading it actually, but I can't worry about that now. I've got to enjoy each moment, huh Kayla? :) One thing I do know however, is that I truly believe God has used this whole experience (the ups and downs . . . and there were downs, but that's a whole other story) to bring me closer to Him and to let me really experience Christmas. One of my favorite songs through this whole phenomena has been "Let the Water's Rise" by Mikes Chair . . . the words go like this:

Don't know where to begin
It's like my world's caving in
And I tried but i can't control my fear
Where do I go from here

Sometimes it's so hard to pray
You feel so far away
I am willing to go where You want me to
God I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If you want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand


God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding on to You

God your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

(Lyrics from

I kinda think Mary felt like this, and I know I have as I've played her part and just as I've lived life. One thing I'm learning is that God and I can make it through those raging waves, and that I can even WELCOME those seas because my heart is with the One I'm following. And I love Him so much!

I'm not sure what the purpose of this post is. It's kinda jumpy. [smile] I just kinda wanted to write, and this is where it took me. :) Now I should probably go take a nap; it could be a long (but yes, fun) night. So thanks for reading! Have an absolutely wonderful week! :)


Taylor Becker said...

I totally hope that I get to watch the pageant this year! I watched it last year...I know you're gonna do AWESOME! :D

danae said...

Oh, thanks Taylor! :)