Friday, July 16, 2010

Uh Oh

So tomorrow is class registration for college. Uh. Yikes. So I'm in my room, thinking about this, and I start to get this nervous sensation creep into my stomach. . . uh. I'm going to be going to COLLEGE?!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! I think it's just starting to sink in. What do you think? :P Haha :) So I was wondering, well, I don't have to do this, maybe college wasn't such a smart idea. This is scary! lol But, the small part of my mind that is still somewhat sane tried to calm the wildly anxious part of my brain, that it's okay, it'll be all good. Uh huh. Whatever. ;)

One of my cousins asked me during our family reunion what am I most excited about for college and what I'm most scared about. Well, I didn't really have a good answer for him because it hadn't sunk in yet. Well, it's starting too. How about I think things "out loud" . . . (what do you call it when you think things through blog writing??)

What I'm Nervous About:

The transition. Just figuring out how I fit into everything, fit into relationships and a different work load, fitting into a new church and a city, as far as that goes.

I'm nervous about my roommate and that transition. It's exciting, but it's also scary. It's been awhile since I've shared a room with someone (well, I guess it hasn't been that long ago, but it feels like it). I know I will have so much growing to do, so much shedding of the selfishness and the independence and privacy. That will be good for me, but probably not easy (and SCARY!). ;)

I'm nervous that I won't stand strong, that I'll melt into this Multnomah student. I don't want to do that. I want to be able to go to college and be danae. Jesus' danae. I want to embrace who I'm meant to be and not shrink away but be strong. Strong to love and wrap arms around and share even when I want to withhold. I want to give so much more of myself than I do now, so much more of Jesus. I don't want to just wear a mask to fit in; I want to fit in because I am the real deal, you know? I want to really truly LOVE Jesus, want to know Him, not just act like it to measure up to others' passionate hearts. I want to be able to stand strong in what is true, even when people around me might swerve toward something that would be harmful because that probably happens . . . even at Bible schools. I've got some preparing = praying to do.

Okay, you want a real honest one? I'm nervous that my attention will not stay focused on Christ, that I'll be distracted by the . . . . (boys). I don't want that! I want the right boy to come when I'm not looking for him anyways! lol Plus, it's time to surrender 'em and focus on Jesus and friendships. Not having brothers or any close guy friends makes it kind of hard . . . I'm nervous about healthy, good, easy-going relationships with guys as brothers thru Jesus. Something for me to pray about.

It will be so crazy to be away from my family. That's going to be so hard. That part hasn't sunk in fully yet, but it will be miserable when it does. Jesus has been preparing my wings for sometime I think, but it will still be so hard to move away from people that I so dearly love and who so graciously love me.

And I'm excited too:

I'm excited for new relationships, new friendships.

I'm excited to flex my wings, to stand on Christ . . . by myself.

I'm excited for good classes, Bible classes.

I'm excited to learn to love Jesus more and people too, to meet new people at a new church, to love people through ministry outreaches.

I'm excited to decorate a dorm room and watch Biggest Loser with friends (hopefully . . . please tell me there will be other MU girls that love B.L. . . . please!).

Ah, I have so much growing to do, so much more "rooting" I need to do in Jesus before I head out. It will be good to figure out classes tomorrow. Though it will be amazing when classes start, I'm glad school doesn't start tomorrow. I definitely need more prep time. But this will be good, this little dip into college. So, I must not "be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present [my] requests to God." His peace will guard my heart and mind. So, see ya later! Next time I blog, I'll probably have my classes figured out, a new mailing address, and an MU ID Card . . . so until then, Farewell. :)


Taylor Bates said...

:) Sometimes it terrifies me to think I'm about to start college without having my family or my closest friends next to me. This however encouraged me to find my own roots! Have an adventure and not be afraid to embrace God in this crucial moment of my life! Reading the things you are excited for makes me excited for the new adventures I'm going to have as well! Thanks Danae! didnt know you had a blog but now you got a fan! ;)

danae said...

Hey Taylor!!

Thank you so much for your comment! :) Encouraging. This transition is crazy, isn't it? But exciting too. :) Guess we have to enjoy every minute of it, huh? . . .