Monday, August 9, 2010

Safe Place

The safe place was compromised, and now it's a whirlwind of tears and anger. Three years ago, one year ago, I wouldn't have guessed. Life was simple, and conflict was just random snags on the back of life. I don't understand why life gets so complicated as time goes on. Why the nest we hide in as children is slowly taken away.

A big reason why I wanted to leave home for college was that I'd stand on my own, on Jesus. Maybe the nest is being taken, the safe places disrupted so I recognize there is only one safe place. You, Jesus. Your arms around me. I'm scared and confused, and I'm not sure how I'm going to get untangled from this one. I've let a whole lot of hurt into this family. Yeah, me. The one who won the student of the year awards, the servant's heart award. The one that other parents were jealous of. Yep. We all fall short. I fall so much shorter. The safe place was compromised. I was angry at You, Jesus. I was angry that You didn't take the desires away, that I couldn't feel You, that I didn't want to give the desires away. I'm frustrated that things aren't just turning out, that they're so intertwined and difficult. And I need You, Jesus! I need You, now. I need Your strong arms and Your deep wisdom. And lots and lots and lots of grace.

Please come. Be my safe place. The harbor. Bring this family back, make it a safe place again . . . please?

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