Monday, September 7, 2009

Double Post Day --- Part 2

School begins . . . um, . . . *sweaty palms, hard time swallowing, you know* . . . um . . . tomorrow. Wow. Where has the summer gone? I definitely have mixed feelings about this whole school thing. Excitement mingled with dread. I wanted to take some time though to share some of my goals, to get my thoughts together and spill them out before they can be retracted. Here goes!

This year, I want to be more selfless. I have been overwhelmed lately at the height of my selfishness. It hits me at intervals and is defeating and painful and ugly. Jesus, will you crucify me? Will You come into my life that it's You who moves the pulses of my mind and the throbbing of my heart? Will You be the One who moves my hands to reach out and who enables my feet to move forward? Will You remove my desire to be needed? To be the Best? To be the most Loved? To be the Smartest? To be the Kindest? Let me just be like You, Jesus. That's all I need. No ulterior motives. No shady agendas. I don't even know where to begin on learning selflessness. Will You help me? Reach down?

Trust is another thing. There are so many decisions to be made this year. What college? Where do I find the scholarships? Will I survive taking SATs?! But yet again, Proverbs beckons my heart to slow its beat, to rest safe.

"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, AND HE WILL MAKE STRAIGHT YOUR PATHS."

Jesus, it sounds so easy. But it's hard. Make that my verse. My anchor. Please. Let me lean on no crutches. Just on You.

This year, I want to be in the pride-killing business. Drastic sounding? Yes, I know. But There Is No Other Way. I want Humility to grace my steps. Each school year, I used to go back thinking, you know what? This year, I'm going to be confident. I'm going to show the popular folks that I really do have it all together. That I'm not a little mole but can hold my own. Not this year, Jesus. Let me not worry about rising above. Teach me confidence in You, yes, but most importantly, show me who I am in reference to You. Be my reference point, Jesus. Be my steady strength.

My prayer for this year is that God would use me, a very broken instrument, that He'd keep my ears and eyes open to the needs, but most of all, that He would be glorified in my crooked, broken life. I pray that I would be REAL, not a cheap fake. No acting, just being. Well, this wraps up my goals for the moment. Tomorrow will be the day to put it into practice. Oh boy. :) The adventure awaits, now I must get this shy adventurer ready. Jesus, will you help me?

Yours truly,
just Simply Danae

Jesus, I don't have it all together. Re-reading this post, it almost makes it sound like I'm gathering it all together. Honestly, I'm going to probably be an emotional wreck tonight. Home is where I can be myself, relax, live. I don't want to go back to the chaos, to school. Sure, I really really want to see people again, but I'm not ready. I'm broken, reluctant. Help!

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