The past few days, I've been an agitated pray-er. To be honest, I need to admit that I've failed with my prayer goals for this week. I think I've been so agitated that I've been so inward focused in my prayers and feel so lost in knowing what prayer should be that I've wanted to give up on those commitments. Plus, I didn't want to just do a dry duty.
Honestly, I've felt kind of defeated and spun up in guilt webs. Today, after chapel, I was able to spend some time in my school's prayer chapel. It was so good, especially because someone was playing and singing songs to Jesus on the piano in there while I sat and just soaked up being in Jesus. His grace is so full. That was healing to be able to sit in Jesus' presence again and be still and be in a new environment. Centered me.
But then later today, I was talking with a friend about my prayer struggles, and he opened his Bible to the Psalms. He shared with me something that's so great! He says that he declares truth from the Psalms when he prays. For example, he turned to Psalms 37 and shared an example.
I will "Fret not."
I will "trust in the LORD, and do good."
I will "Delight [myself in the LORD]."
I will "Commit [my] way to the LORD."
I will "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him."
etc.
I LOVE this, love this idea of praying God's Word in such direct ways. I needed that. I needed that suggestion and encouragement, and I want to put it to use. This helps center me and helps me because it leads me to praying for things I know are good and healthy. I don't know if that makes sense, but ya want to try it with me? It just might change the way we pray. :)
Dear Father,
Thank You so much for this wild day, for those You put in my path to encourage me, for the story of You and Peter and the waves and sinking, for Jared sharing with me about Psalms. Thank You, Lord, for the way You help center me and lead me back. Please keep doing it. I love You. I am so grateful to be Simply Yours.
In Jesus' name. Amen.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Day 19: Changing Our Minds
On Sunday as Dad and I were driving to evening church, I asked him what he thought prayer is all about.
He thought for a little bit and than gave me an answer I wasn't expecting.
I'm probably going to butcher his quote, but it went something to the effect of:
"I think prayer is about seeing things the way God sees them."
It's about presenting things to Jesus and letting Him change our view on them or about Him giving us a broken heart for the things that breaks His. Prayer is a process that makes our heart more like the heart of Jesus.
Interesting!!!!
Catch this. Oswald Chambers has a quote that kinda ties into this idea.
Am I letting the Holy Spirit pray through me? What does that even look like? So many questions. There are answers somewhere.
Father,
What does it mean for You to change my heart when I pray? Is this what prayer is all about? I have so many questions. Am I simply missing the point? Let me see You, Jesus. Please. Let me just see You.
I love You, King! Thank You so much for being so present today.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
He thought for a little bit and than gave me an answer I wasn't expecting.
I'm probably going to butcher his quote, but it went something to the effect of:
"I think prayer is about seeing things the way God sees them."
It's about presenting things to Jesus and letting Him change our view on them or about Him giving us a broken heart for the things that breaks His. Prayer is a process that makes our heart more like the heart of Jesus.
Interesting!!!!
Catch this. Oswald Chambers has a quote that kinda ties into this idea.
Is the Son of God praying in me, or am I dictating to Him? . . . . Prayer is not simply getting things from God, that is a most initial form of prayer; prayer is getting into perfect communion with God. If the Son of God is formed in us by regeneration, He will press forward in front of our common sense and change our attitude to the things about which we pray.
Am I letting the Holy Spirit pray through me? What does that even look like? So many questions. There are answers somewhere.
Father,
What does it mean for You to change my heart when I pray? Is this what prayer is all about? I have so many questions. Am I simply missing the point? Let me see You, Jesus. Please. Let me just see You.
I love You, King! Thank You so much for being so present today.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Day 18: Confidence
This morning, I read these words.
When I pray, I come to Jesus . . . who understands. And because of Him, because He understands, I can come to the throne of grace, but not sheepishly. With confidence. Not because I deserve to approach that throne but because He understands. This is prayer. When I pray before Jesus, I'm coming in front of His throne. I receive mercy and find grace here, no matter what I've done. It's so funny how I run from Jesus when my sin creeps over my head. That's when I need Him the most. It's funny that even in these moments, when I feel I don't deserve to enter His presence, that He allows me to enter confidently, trusting who He is. He has enough mercy and grace for me.
I need His mercy and grace. I must not fully understand this need however, because if I did, it would draw me to my knees much more. I need to see my need.
Heavenly Father?
Thank You so, so much for letting me approach Your throne in confidence. Thank You that when I come, You give me all that I need to make it. You give me the mercy I so desperately need and the grace that refreshes me. Please help me to recognize my need. Let my need bring me to Your feet. I love You. I really do need You. A lot.
I blew it today in so many ways, Jesus. I focused so fully on myself. I've failed with the whole try-to-remember-to-pray-at-each-hour goal. I haven't spent the time or put in the energy. I need Your mercy. Thank You so much for supplying it in abundance. You are so good to me. You are holy.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.Hebrews 4:14-17 esv
When I pray, I come to Jesus . . . who understands. And because of Him, because He understands, I can come to the throne of grace, but not sheepishly. With confidence. Not because I deserve to approach that throne but because He understands. This is prayer. When I pray before Jesus, I'm coming in front of His throne. I receive mercy and find grace here, no matter what I've done. It's so funny how I run from Jesus when my sin creeps over my head. That's when I need Him the most. It's funny that even in these moments, when I feel I don't deserve to enter His presence, that He allows me to enter confidently, trusting who He is. He has enough mercy and grace for me.
I need His mercy and grace. I must not fully understand this need however, because if I did, it would draw me to my knees much more. I need to see my need.
Heavenly Father?
Thank You so, so much for letting me approach Your throne in confidence. Thank You that when I come, You give me all that I need to make it. You give me the mercy I so desperately need and the grace that refreshes me. Please help me to recognize my need. Let my need bring me to Your feet. I love You. I really do need You. A lot.
I blew it today in so many ways, Jesus. I focused so fully on myself. I've failed with the whole try-to-remember-to-pray-at-each-hour goal. I haven't spent the time or put in the energy. I need Your mercy. Thank You so much for supplying it in abundance. You are so good to me. You are holy.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Day 17: Raw Words
Father?
Please let me be real and raw. People need to know how broken I am apart from You. Especially in days like these. So here's just a prayer. Words.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
Oh YHWH, my Father,
I don't have much good to give You today.
I am so broken and bent up.
Past sneaks into present like the shadow
I thought I shook.
My mind races in mazes, and I try
To figure out the end
To win, To escape.
But my small heart is beating too fast.
Come, Lord Jesus, Come.
I've tried to pray,
But it's been my words. My thoughts.
Trying to figure things out.
That's not prayer, is it?
Prayer is giving up. Surrendering.
It's letting go of my idea on how to fix
My life.
You are Water. Living Water that flows
Cold and refreshing into the desperate bends,
Breaks, Wounds in my being.
You uncover the shameful cracks,
Knocking gently on the sheets I use to
Try to cover the waste heaps.
Please come in. I'm sorry it's so messy here.
But I really do need You.
Are You sure You want to come?
You don't have to.
I'll disappoint You.
You might hate me.
The way You say my name is different.
Thank You for listening.
Thank You for listening to more than my
Choice, Select Words.
You listen to my very heart.
Thank You for not being afraid of me.
For not being afraid of my sin.
But for being courageous enough to
Lift me up from this weakness
And give me new name.
And new song.
Grace, sweet grace.
Thank You for entering the spaces.
I love You, Most High.
You are worthy of every ounce of my awe,
Worthy of every space in my thoughts
And every motivation for my actions.
You are kind King and gentle Friend.
You are Sovereign Lord.
You know. You see. You know.
Love,
Your broken one.
Simply Yours.
Please let me be real and raw. People need to know how broken I am apart from You. Especially in days like these. So here's just a prayer. Words.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
Oh YHWH, my Father,
I don't have much good to give You today.
I am so broken and bent up.
Past sneaks into present like the shadow
I thought I shook.
My mind races in mazes, and I try
To figure out the end
To win, To escape.
But my small heart is beating too fast.
Come, Lord Jesus, Come.
I've tried to pray,
But it's been my words. My thoughts.
Trying to figure things out.
That's not prayer, is it?
Prayer is giving up. Surrendering.
It's letting go of my idea on how to fix
My life.
You are Water. Living Water that flows
Cold and refreshing into the desperate bends,
Breaks, Wounds in my being.
You uncover the shameful cracks,
Knocking gently on the sheets I use to
Try to cover the waste heaps.
Please come in. I'm sorry it's so messy here.
But I really do need You.
Are You sure You want to come?
You don't have to.
I'll disappoint You.
You might hate me.
The way You say my name is different.
Thank You for listening.
Thank You for listening to more than my
Choice, Select Words.
You listen to my very heart.
Thank You for not being afraid of me.
For not being afraid of my sin.
But for being courageous enough to
Lift me up from this weakness
And give me new name.
And new song.
Grace, sweet grace.
Thank You for entering the spaces.
I love You, Most High.
You are worthy of every ounce of my awe,
Worthy of every space in my thoughts
And every motivation for my actions.
You are kind King and gentle Friend.
You are Sovereign Lord.
You know. You see. You know.
Love,
Your broken one.
Simply Yours.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Day 16: Open My Mind to Love You
I was at a women's conference a few years back, and one of the workshops was on prayer. It was so amazing. The woman leading it told us to look up when we pray and picture the ceiling of the building we're in removed, and there just up ahead before us is this huge, glorious throne on which God Himself is seated, and there are angels surrounding the throne. This is the place we enter when we pray. That was such a vivid visual for me, and I still picture it. I have to remind myself that it is real, that I am within the presence of God, and my prayers are reaching His ears.
I think this is what it means to pray continuously, to live our lives and our thoughts in this picture of the throne room. Or maybe a better way to put it is to open our minds and acknowledge Jesus' presence in everything, in every thought? What does it mean to you to "pray without ceasing"?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This upcoming week, I feel like I need to keep my 15 minute prayer goals (praying both in morning and evening). Last night, I think Jesus was speaking to me and telling me that because He has given me this particular part of my personality, I NEED to spend 15 minutes with Him every morning. It shouldn't be an option; I need Jesus in this aspect so desperately.
Oh but friends, I also want to be more aware of Jesus and prayer throughout my day. I want prayer to become an unconscious habit. THUS, I'm going to try something. This will probably involve a lot of failure, but I'll keep my eyes out for the success. :) Every top of the hour, I want to consciously remember to pray, even if just sentence prayers. I'm hoping that this will be a trigger, a reminder to send me back under the Lordship and the presence of Jesus. We'll see! :)
Dear Father,
It is so easy for me to forget You. Why is this? I need You so incredibly? Please, Lord, help me to be more conscious of You, to love You more with my mind. Thank You for listening to my chatter.
Thank You for the way You helped steady my soul in church today, that we could find a quiet place even during the service. I really needed to meet with You. Thank You for taking my worry. You are so good to me. I'm so glad to be Yours. :)
I love You, my Shield and Strength, my Protector, Father, Listener, Speaker, Friend. "More Love to Thee". In Jesus' name. Amen.
I think this is what it means to pray continuously, to live our lives and our thoughts in this picture of the throne room. Or maybe a better way to put it is to open our minds and acknowledge Jesus' presence in everything, in every thought? What does it mean to you to "pray without ceasing"?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This upcoming week, I feel like I need to keep my 15 minute prayer goals (praying both in morning and evening). Last night, I think Jesus was speaking to me and telling me that because He has given me this particular part of my personality, I NEED to spend 15 minutes with Him every morning. It shouldn't be an option; I need Jesus in this aspect so desperately.
Oh but friends, I also want to be more aware of Jesus and prayer throughout my day. I want prayer to become an unconscious habit. THUS, I'm going to try something. This will probably involve a lot of failure, but I'll keep my eyes out for the success. :) Every top of the hour, I want to consciously remember to pray, even if just sentence prayers. I'm hoping that this will be a trigger, a reminder to send me back under the Lordship and the presence of Jesus. We'll see! :)
Dear Father,
It is so easy for me to forget You. Why is this? I need You so incredibly? Please, Lord, help me to be more conscious of You, to love You more with my mind. Thank You for listening to my chatter.
Thank You for the way You helped steady my soul in church today, that we could find a quiet place even during the service. I really needed to meet with You. Thank You for taking my worry. You are so good to me. I'm so glad to be Yours. :)
I love You, my Shield and Strength, my Protector, Father, Listener, Speaker, Friend. "More Love to Thee". In Jesus' name. Amen.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Day 15: Calling 11-99's.
One thing I've learned is that there is HUGE power in praying for each other with each other. I've especially noticed it in people praying for me.
At the beginning of this school year especially, there were issues I had to work through, and I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. Several times, I asked some of my close friends at college if they could pray for me, right there, right then, out loud. They were so gracious to do that, and I can't even explain how powerful it was and how I felt so much stronger and so much better after they knocked on Heaven's throne room and interceded for me. Seriously. As they were praying I felt better.
As the school year progressed, I stopped doing that as much. The "issue" I'm working through has gotten a little easier. I didn't feel as desperate. There was one time not too long ago though where I needed it again in regard to that issue, and I pulled one of my roommates into the nearest stairwell and just asked for prayer. That was really humbling for me, to ask that she'd pray, to admit that I needed. But it was so powerful, and I felt better afterward.
There is power in calling for backup, for others to pray. For quick reinforcement in the spiritual realm.
I found this on a Police Scanner Codes website.
Sometimes, I need to call for an 11-99 (and I need to let my solid, godly friends know this). I need backup. I need others to stand by me and pray hard sometimes. This is humbling, but it's POWERFUL. It communicates that we need Jesus, that we believe He can help us, and that we believe what we need help in is worth receiving help for if that makes sense. It is so powerful. I want to get better at asking for "immediate" prayer, even just for what I'm struggling with. I also want to get better at making myself ready and available for friends who are calling silent 11-99's. It's powerful.Jesus listens.
(Kudos to the camp director who tied these two ideas together for me this summer, the idea of backup prayer warriors being on call as backup police forces are for each other.)
Father?
Thank You for the way that You listen and for the way there is such power in others praying for us. Please teach me to be real, to be attentive to those who need prayer. Thank You for listening to us, for meeting us where we're at. We really do need You.
I love You, Jesus. Please deepen this love. In Jesus' name, Amen.
At the beginning of this school year especially, there were issues I had to work through, and I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. Several times, I asked some of my close friends at college if they could pray for me, right there, right then, out loud. They were so gracious to do that, and I can't even explain how powerful it was and how I felt so much stronger and so much better after they knocked on Heaven's throne room and interceded for me. Seriously. As they were praying I felt better.
As the school year progressed, I stopped doing that as much. The "issue" I'm working through has gotten a little easier. I didn't feel as desperate. There was one time not too long ago though where I needed it again in regard to that issue, and I pulled one of my roommates into the nearest stairwell and just asked for prayer. That was really humbling for me, to ask that she'd pray, to admit that I needed. But it was so powerful, and I felt better afterward.
There is power in calling for backup, for others to pray. For quick reinforcement in the spiritual realm.
I found this on a Police Scanner Codes website.
A highway patrolling job can be quite hazardous. One can never know what danger may be waiting out there in the byways and highways. In case an immediate back-up support is needed, a mere “11-99” radio report is all that is needed. The station will immediately dispatch reinforcement to the location.
Sometimes, I need to call for an 11-99 (and I need to let my solid, godly friends know this). I need backup. I need others to stand by me and pray hard sometimes. This is humbling, but it's POWERFUL. It communicates that we need Jesus, that we believe He can help us, and that we believe what we need help in is worth receiving help for if that makes sense. It is so powerful. I want to get better at asking for "immediate" prayer, even just for what I'm struggling with. I also want to get better at making myself ready and available for friends who are calling silent 11-99's. It's powerful.Jesus listens.
(Kudos to the camp director who tied these two ideas together for me this summer, the idea of backup prayer warriors being on call as backup police forces are for each other.)
Father?
Thank You for the way that You listen and for the way there is such power in others praying for us. Please teach me to be real, to be attentive to those who need prayer. Thank You for listening to us, for meeting us where we're at. We really do need You.
I love You, Jesus. Please deepen this love. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Day 14: Lightbulb Moment
I'm trying to stay awake. Two a.m. Trying to think sequential thoughts, to pray sequential sentences.
"Danae, listen."
I'm driving. Feeling obligated to pray. So tired. Trying to make myself listen, but I'm listening to my own thoughts, not Jesus.
"Danae, listen. My thoughts won't be your thoughts."
Prayer isn't about me.
Woah!!! That's so true!
What does that mean?
(Yep! I'm thought processing on a blog! :) I guess that makes me a BLOG-PROCESSOR! Tehe! There's a reason people call me "special" . . . wink)
What is prayer about then?
It's about relationship, right?
Oh my goodness. Something's clicking!
I have a really good friend that is so kind to let me bounce things off her. She listens so sympathetically and kindly and then helps me process through things. In times past, I've felt like I've just been talking a lot, and I feel guilty. I don't want our relationship to be one-sided (and it's not, but sometimes it feels kind of like that). I never want my relationships to be one where someone's just giving to me (and as confession for that: a big reason I don't want that is because is because of my own pride). The point, however, is that I don't apply that to my relationship with Jesus. I pray like we're a One-sided relationship. I pray like He's just here to be the listener, and I think I justify it by saying that He's the stronger One. He has the "parental" role in our relationship. Wow, to be honest, I think that a reason I don't want to acknowledge my responsibility to just listen is that in so doing, I'm afraid of my needs not being met. Now THAT is lack of faith. That is sin. This is my confession.
Wow. I need to think about this more because I have a feeling that this is the beginning of unwrapping a LOT of misconceptions.
Plus, I also need to think that through. Is Prayer really about relationship? Is it about Jesus? Is it about making a difference? This is the new search. Please, I'll take all the insight I can get! In the meantime, let's keep praying!!! Keep practicing. Praise Jesus that He is patient. <3
Thank You, Father. For revelation. Please teach me. What is prayer really about?
I love You, Father. Please purify that love. In Jesus' name. Amen.
"Danae, listen."
I'm driving. Feeling obligated to pray. So tired. Trying to make myself listen, but I'm listening to my own thoughts, not Jesus.
"Danae, listen. My thoughts won't be your thoughts."
Prayer isn't about me.
Woah!!! That's so true!
What does that mean?
(Yep! I'm thought processing on a blog! :) I guess that makes me a BLOG-PROCESSOR! Tehe! There's a reason people call me "special" . . . wink)
What is prayer about then?
It's about relationship, right?
Oh my goodness. Something's clicking!
I have a really good friend that is so kind to let me bounce things off her. She listens so sympathetically and kindly and then helps me process through things. In times past, I've felt like I've just been talking a lot, and I feel guilty. I don't want our relationship to be one-sided (and it's not, but sometimes it feels kind of like that). I never want my relationships to be one where someone's just giving to me (and as confession for that: a big reason I don't want that is because is because of my own pride). The point, however, is that I don't apply that to my relationship with Jesus. I pray like we're a One-sided relationship. I pray like He's just here to be the listener, and I think I justify it by saying that He's the stronger One. He has the "parental" role in our relationship. Wow, to be honest, I think that a reason I don't want to acknowledge my responsibility to just listen is that in so doing, I'm afraid of my needs not being met. Now THAT is lack of faith. That is sin. This is my confession.
Wow. I need to think about this more because I have a feeling that this is the beginning of unwrapping a LOT of misconceptions.
Plus, I also need to think that through. Is Prayer really about relationship? Is it about Jesus? Is it about making a difference? This is the new search. Please, I'll take all the insight I can get! In the meantime, let's keep praying!!! Keep practicing. Praise Jesus that He is patient. <3
Thank You, Father. For revelation. Please teach me. What is prayer really about?
I love You, Father. Please purify that love. In Jesus' name. Amen.
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