I'm trying to stay awake. Two a.m. Trying to think sequential thoughts, to pray sequential sentences.
I'm driving. Feeling obligated to pray. So tired. Trying to make myself listen, but I'm listening to my own thoughts, not Jesus.
"Danae, listen. My thoughts won't be your thoughts."
Prayer isn't about me.
Woah!!! That's so true!
What does that mean?
(Yep! I'm thought processing on a blog! :) I guess that makes me a BLOG-PROCESSOR! Tehe! There's a reason people call me "special" . . . wink)
What is prayer about then?
It's about relationship, right?
Oh my goodness. Something's clicking!
I have a really good friend that is so kind to let me bounce things off her. She listens so sympathetically and kindly and then helps me process through things. In times past, I've felt like I've just been talking a lot, and I feel guilty. I don't want our relationship to be one-sided (and it's not, but sometimes it feels kind of like that). I never want my relationships to be one where someone's just giving to me (and as confession for that: a big reason I don't want that is because is because of my own pride). The point, however, is that I don't apply that to my relationship with Jesus. I pray like we're a One-sided relationship. I pray like He's just here to be the listener, and I think I justify it by saying that He's the stronger One. He has the "parental" role in our relationship. Wow, to be honest, I think that a reason I don't want to acknowledge my responsibility to just listen is that in so doing, I'm afraid of my needs not being met. Now THAT is lack of faith. That is sin. This is my confession.
Wow. I need to think about this more because I have a feeling that this is the beginning of unwrapping a LOT of misconceptions.
Plus, I also need to think that through. Is Prayer really about relationship? Is it about Jesus? Is it about making a difference? This is the new search. Please, I'll take all the insight I can get! In the meantime, let's keep praying!!! Keep practicing. Praise Jesus that He is patient. <3
Thank You, Father. For revelation. Please teach me. What is prayer really about?
I love You, Father. Please purify that love. In Jesus' name. Amen.