Day 17: Raw Words

Father?
Please let me be real and raw. People need to know how broken I am apart from You. Especially in days like these. So here's just a prayer. Words.

In Jesus' name.
Amen.

Oh YHWH, my Father,

I don't have much good to give You today.
I am so broken and bent up.
Past sneaks into present like the shadow
I thought I shook.
My mind races in mazes, and I try
To figure out the end
To win, To escape.
But my small heart is beating too fast.
Come, Lord Jesus, Come.
I've tried to pray,
But it's been my words. My thoughts.
Trying to figure things out.
That's not prayer, is it?
Prayer is giving up. Surrendering.
It's letting go of my idea on how to fix
My life.

You are Water. Living Water that flows
Cold and refreshing into the desperate bends,
Breaks, Wounds in my being.
You uncover the shameful cracks,
Knocking gently on the sheets I use to
Try to cover the waste heaps.
Please come in. I'm sorry it's so messy here.
But I really do need You.
Are You sure You want to come?
You don't have to.
I'll disappoint You.
You might hate me.

The way You say my name is different.
Thank You for listening.
Thank You for listening to more than my
Choice, Select Words.
You listen to my very heart.

Thank You for not being afraid of me.
For not being afraid of my sin.
But for being courageous enough to
Lift me up from this weakness
And give me new name.
And new song.
Grace, sweet grace.

Thank You for entering the spaces.
I love You, Most High.

You are worthy of every ounce of my awe,
Worthy of every space in my thoughts
And every motivation for my actions.
You are kind King and gentle Friend.
You are Sovereign Lord.
You know. You see. You know.

Love,

Your broken one.
Simply Yours.