Wednesday night and Thursday morning I took some time to leaf through the pages of my 2009 prayer journals, trying to take a quick ride through the year, to recapture some of the moments I might have forgotten. As I looked back, I realized that 2009 was a tough year. There were so many moments of feeling like such a failure, feeling so guilty, like I wasn't enough. There were so many times where God felt distant, and I didn't know what to do about it except hate the feeling of numb pain [and yes, that exists . . . smile]. Disconnected was the word of the day several days. I didn't know what I was doing wrong. Or IF I was doing something wrong. Anyway, I came to a point (well, maybe it wasn't a point or a destination but a new road) where I realized that it wasn't so much about the doing. It's not completely about the "God, what did I do now?," but more about the startling realization that just simply Danae is
Do you know what that MEANS???? That means that I'm FREE!!! That means that guilt doesn't have to tie me down or paint my life in misery!!!! That means that the Maker of the Heavens can talk to me now. He can hold me close and hear my heart, (and I can hear HIS if I chose to listen). He can WALK with me now. Like, do you get what this even means????? Oh my word, it makes me excited just thinking about it! Now, I know what you're thinking [maybe]. You're thinking, "Well, duh! Didn't she know about this forgiveness before?" Well, yeah! and no. I knew about forgiveness, but my focus had been so much on the doing Christianity than the being a Christian, and don't get me wrong sir or misses . . . I'm not for trashing the doing like Christ. Faith without works is dead after all. But I'm also in for the just simply LIVING, for the just simply BEING.
One of the light bulb, oh-my-word-this-is-so-cool moments came while I was in the car, and this song came on the radio. Now, y'all, go listen to it. NOW. I mean seriously. RIGHT NOW!!! [If you've already heard it, well, click the replay button. It's good!]
Did you hear it yet??? :) Well, as of January 2nd, this is my new theme song for 2010. :) My two themes of this year are:
"Livin' Forgiven" and thinking that way too
Letting my life be an act of Worship for Jesus. Living purposefully to attain that cause.
Well, I'm going to make it my goal [call it a new years resolution if you so desire] to blog on my 2010 theme at the beginning of every month, an idea I've borrowed from other amazing bloggers. [You might need to remind me about it. smile]. But for now, I bid thee good day. Have a lovely night and a happy new year!
PS What's the theme of your year?