The January 2010 chapter of my life is slowly closing, and the end of it leads to the beginning of a new chapter. And I wonder and feel like crying.
This month has been . . . well, how can I tag a month with one word? It's been heart-wrenching at times and glorious at others. There has been laughter and depths of pain and falling in love with my Redeemer. And December has still crept into today. Oh, it can be so hard to live every day pressing forward instead of leaning back. It's hard for me to put my feet in front of the other when I give him and this and that such a hold on my life, when I power their grip.
There have been new things. There have been a few huge times where I've been so privileged to feel the incredible love of Jesus, my Love. During several moments of December, I cried out to God and told Him that His love didn't feel like enough, and I didn't get it. My head preached that of course it's enough, but I cried for it and died for it. And during a few moments in December and some in January, God opened the floodgates to let me feelit. For those of you who know me (and as I've mentioned before), I'm such a "sensing" person . . . I try to feel to understand, to grasp. And I praise Him for allowing me those sweet, sweet breaths of feeling. And maybe part of it's just growing. I hope so. His love is so captivating . . . and I'm worth not a single shred of it. Not a dust particle amount of it. But I guess that's what makes it so spectacular, huh?
And of course, this month has been characterized by seeking . . . what in the world am I gonna do with the rest of my life?? :) smile :) but I'm learning so much about this season [even though it can be very frustrating]. I'm visiting Multnomah University again this week. Should be fun! :) Still wondering about Asbury in KY. Would it be the best way to please God? Because it'd require much more faith to go to KY? Much more separation from some things I'm holding way too tightly? Because there'd be more options and opportunities? Or is Multnomah the best place I can be? Close to family, knitted into a Bible-loving tapestry? Aye aye aye . . . So many questions. But I want to rejoice in the adventure too, knowing that the Mighty Hand of my Savior is clasping my small hand in His, and we're doing this thing called "danae's short life" together. I need to be praying hard that God would really direct me in this one, especially as I go and visit MU again. Whew. But I got to enjoy the ride while I got it, huh? ;)
Well, I suppose I should be going and taking a lovely Sunday afternoon nap. I might even take a walk later? The sun shining is so beautiful. Where I live, every bit of that sun is soaked up, stockpiling it for the rainy days. :) I hope sunshine glimmers in your world. Jesus is in it. I know that. :) BLesSinGs! :)