Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Closing of a Month

The January 2010 chapter of my life is slowly closing, and the end of it leads to the beginning of a new chapter. And I wonder and feel like crying.

This month has been . . . well, how can I tag a month with one word? It's been heart-wrenching at times and glorious at others. There has been laughter and depths of pain and falling in love with my Redeemer. And December has still crept into today. Oh, it can be so hard to live every day pressing forward instead of leaning back. It's hard for me to put my feet in front of the other when I give him and this and that such a hold on my life, when I power their grip.

There have been new things. There have been a few huge times where I've been so privileged to feel the incredible love of Jesus, my Love. During several moments of December, I cried out to God and told Him that His love didn't feel like enough, and I didn't get it. My head preached that of course it's enough, but I cried for it and died for it. And during a few moments in December and some in January, God opened the floodgates to let me feelit. For those of you who know me (and as I've mentioned before), I'm such a "sensing" person . . . I try to feel to understand, to grasp. And I praise Him for allowing me those sweet, sweet breaths of feeling. And maybe part of it's just growing. I hope so. His love is so captivating . . . and I'm worth not a single shred of it. Not a dust particle amount of it. But I guess that's what makes it so spectacular, huh?

And of course, this month has been characterized by seeking . . . what in the world am I gonna do with the rest of my life?? :) smile :) but I'm learning so much about this season [even though it can be very frustrating]. I'm visiting Multnomah University again this week. Should be fun! :) Still wondering about Asbury in KY. Would it be the best way to please God? Because it'd require much more faith to go to KY? Much more separation from some things I'm holding way too tightly? Because there'd be more options and opportunities? Or is Multnomah the best place I can be? Close to family, knitted into a Bible-loving tapestry? Aye aye aye . . . So many questions. But I want to rejoice in the adventure too, knowing that the Mighty Hand of my Savior is clasping my small hand in His, and we're doing this thing called "danae's short life" together. I need to be praying hard that God would really direct me in this one, especially as I go and visit MU again. Whew. But I got to enjoy the ride while I got it, huh? ;)

Well, I suppose I should be going and taking a lovely Sunday afternoon nap. I might even take a walk later? The sun shining is so beautiful. Where I live, every bit of that sun is soaked up, stockpiling it for the rainy days. :) I hope sunshine glimmers in your world. Jesus is in it. I know that. :) BLesSinGs! :)


John M. Mayner said...

Danae, Before reading your comments I was struck by your picture of the fiddler as it reminded me of the "Fiddler on the Roof." Taviar was always trying to live that balance of faith coupled with his traditions and how that affected his whole life. It sounds like you too are looking at some of these balancing parts of life. While we do encourage people to come here as Director of Admissions it is also my responsibility to encourage people for the larger Kingdom sake. I will pray for you in this decision as these can sometimes be heart-wrenching as we seek to move forward. The good thing is that neither of the options listed is inherently wrong or evil and as such I believe God would be honored by either given your heart being open to even asking the questions you do. Take care and keep looking forward!
John M. Mayner, Director of Admissions
Multnomah University and Biblical Seminary

danae said...

Mr. Mayner, thank you so much for your comment! :)It blessed me, and thank you for the prayers! I know they make a difference, and I am so grateful for the many praying for me right now. God bless you! I'm looking forward to visiting Multnomah again during the upcoming Preview days! I loved what I saw there when I visited the first time, and currently it's my top choice! I just want to make sure, you know? One of my friends from church reminded me that . . . that both could be within God's will, but I also know that where I go will impact so much later on, and I so want to get it right the first time. . . . Oh boy. :) But Mr. Mayner, I'm learning a lot about trust through this season though (and Jesus and I are working on it . . . :) . It's a huge journey of "letting go, and letting God." Anyway, I apologize for rambling, but thank you so much! I appreciate it and pray God's blessing on you today!
danae :)