I've been taught much lately. (Yes, I could have said that I'm learning a lot, but truth is I'm learning bit by bit, and I have been taught much more than I can handle at this point. I must take it in sip by sip.) I'm hanging out with two kiddos this summer, babysitting the girl and "chauffeuring" the boy as he puts it. smile. Truth is, it's probably one of the toughest jobs I've ever taken on, and I'm not referring to grunt work. I'm talking about love work. . .
These kids are beautiful. God's stamp and signature are written deep within their souls. They're strong kids, tough. Tender hearts are hidden behind callouses and raised walls. I've often been told when it was time for me to leave, that I'm a "good-good," that I'm no fun. I'm their target practice when they want to throw hasty, hot words as sharpened darts. I love to love people, . . . when they love me back, when they blanket me with words of gratitude and gifts of love. But LOVE is a trek uphill when it is not returned. [Though I must add, . . . small signs of love do occasionally spring to the surface, and I drink deeply] And believe you me, the trek is steep and rocky. But maybe, just maybe, Jesus is trying to whisper something in my ear. Maybe He's letting me know that He loves me, even when it hasn't been easy. When I've thrown up questioning words, when I haven't been grateful, when I've ran and hid in other shelters besides Him, when I've sought other avenues of pleasure to feed my hungry loneliness than to find fellowship in Him. Ouch. That cuts deeply. I need to think about that more . . . I know that's an old thought, but it's new to me - - when I've stepped into it and felt its heat.
Another thing I'm learning is that I'm VERY defensive. When the sparks fly, I raise my shield. I stand up. I fight back. I don't want to be falsely accused. I don't want to be the bad guy. Hmm . . . I'm so far from where I should be. There are so many places in me that don't look like Jesus (and that's one of them). The places are rough and ragged, unkept. But I'm so glad Jesus is bringing them to the surface. One of my Bible teachers at the school I attend constantly told us how Jesus has to bring the bad stuff up so He could wipe it away as it is done with gold for it to be refined. There's a lot of junk in me that must be brought up so it can be removed.
Well, these are a few of the things that I'm in the process of learning. I have a lot more to take in, to swallow. Inch by inch, step by step. :) Please forgive this somewhat sporatic post. :) blah :) haha :) Have a gorgeous day! May you sparkle, . . . like beautiful, refined gold. :)
just Simply Danae