Monday, October 8, 2012

Day 8: Save Me

Standing in the presence of YHWH daily. Soaking in all that He is. Love. Peace. Power. Grace. Justice.

And still, one of the most powerful beings fell from heaven.

Because of pride.

Y'all, that SCARES me. I think it should scare me more than it does, to be honest.

If pride can destroy an archangel and make him into devil, what will pride do to me?

I think about that when my pride thoughts are whirlpooling me, waves up to my forehead, and I can just picture . . .

If some of my wretched prideful motives would be exposed, my ministry could be destroyed.

My friendships could be ruined.

My witness to Jesus . . . gone.

{I'm not a nice gal.
Take that back. I am a nice gal. That's the problem. Nice-ness doesn't take you to the kingdom gates. It's kindness that is of Christ. They are very different things.}

And niceness and pride are sick, germ-swarming illness, and I don't know the answer to healing of this disease,

except to be broken.

One of my professors says that gratitude is the key to humility. And somehow, brokenness plays its role too.

I think of a plant that needs to be replanted into a bigger plot. I don't know why, but I was taught that you always need to break up the roots a little before you replant it.

And Jesus? I'm that stubborn plant that needs to be replanted into You. Will you please break up my roots a little bit, so I can grow into You, deeper and deeper? You know the innermost cavern of my being. The dark places. And You know how pride is so frustrating to me because it's not a self-contained sin. It filters into everything, and I'm sick with it. Sick of it. Sick in it. And more often than not, I don't understand just how awful it is. Help me, Lord! I don't want it to destroy me. I know it will if we don't do something about it. I can't do anything on my own. Please, please kill me. Crucify me with You. Break my reliance and my self-worship. Please break me, Lord Jesus.
In Your name and by Your power.

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