The feelings of brokenness hit today. The lonely, heart-aching.
But it was perfect.
It sent me on my knees in a little prayer chapel in the Northeast corner of Portland. :)
And I prayed, and He filled that little chapel with His presence and His peace.
I remembered that He is the One I want most of all and that I would rather be driven to pain as long as I run into His presence bleeding than be aimlessly chasing rainbow ends without a cloud in the sky. :) This isn't easy to say, even though it sounds kinda pretty, and sometimes, I don't feel it, but I know it.
I should confess though that I didn't always feel peace in my brokenness today. When I first woke up, I woke up desperate. I HATE that feeling, the feeling of desperate loneliness like there's nothing you can do to be free. I don't feel it too often, but when I do, I want to panic. My mom prayed for me over the phone though and the peace came.
His peace will meet us in brokenness, and when His peace is there, we'll make it. :) I'm sure of it. I'm not sure His peace will always feel the way we expect it to feel? (I don't know), but I'm sure He will come into it with us.
Brokenness doesn't have to be bad. Especially if it propels us into the presence of our Savior. Especially if it causes us to trust Him more, as one of my best friends reminded me.
I'm not prepared to say "It Is Well" for every wildly horrific situation that could come into my life (Jesus would have to prepare me each time), but the Lord gives me grace in the now and in this time to let the words seep and sing, and I want to say it honestly, but by His grace, it is well with my soul. Jesus is trustworthy. I may not feel safe or extra energetic or good per se, but His arms will keep me. alleluia. I'm okay. :)