It's been almost 2 weeks since I've started this journey of prayer, and because it's so late as I type this and because I'm this far in, I kind of wanted to take some time to debrief and fill you in on how my fifteen minutes of prayer time (in morning and evening) have gone.
One thing that I've loved about setting apart that 15 minutes is that as I continue to do it, it's becoming a habit, and that's so exciting for me!!! Locking myself into a habit is such a freeing feeling. I guess that sounds weird, but it's kind of a control thing. It's saying that this activity that I'm choosing to participate in is my choice, and I've committed to doing it this amount of time so it's becoming natural and part of routine. I'm getting past the mental brick wall of doing this activity. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I encourage you to try to form a new, good habit. It's very exciting! :)
With this debrief, I really do need to be honest and say that I haven't always gotten the strict 15 minutes in daily. For instance, this morning, I had a limited amount of time, so I wanted to make a prayer walk of part of my prayer time so I could get to where I was going and pray during the same time. Yeah, I think that's called cheating. *Smile* Well, the first problem with this is that I had failed to orchestrate my morning around prayer being a priority. I don't want to be legalistic at all about this, but I want to find the balance between holding myself to the commitment and being gracious with myself. ANYWAY, another problem with this theory was that as I was walking and trying to pray (I got pretty distracted actually), I ran into people that I talked with. So, I have had times of failure in this journey, but I guess I've come to the conclusion that because I'm going to try hard not to give up, that victory oversteps the failures in between. I hope that encourages you too in whatever discipline you may be undertaking. Give yourself grace with the small failures. Count the victories. They're so important!!! :) Just not giving up on yourself is its own victory. Press on, friend!
Also, I realize that I don't always engage in very focused prayer. Some of these past few nights I've been so exhausted that I've just kind of sat in Jesus' presence. Sometimes I've just spoken out scattered thoughts, trying to talk things out. I don't feel like I've made a whole lot of progress in praying, but I am so grateful for all the practice in prayer and all the opportunities I'll continue to have, Lord willing, to practice praying! Someone once told me though that you get better at prayer by practicing, and I'm so excited that as Jesus continues to work and as I continue to commit to it, I'll learn how to do this whole thing better ('cause believe you me . . . I have such a long ways to go! haha).
It has been so special though to have times where I know I'm going to spend with Jesus. It's powerful! And He's so good to be right there with me. :)
Thank You so much for meeting me each time I come to You, for putting up with my pathetic prayers. Please teach me, Jesus. Guide my mouth and my heart and my mind. Teach me oneness with You, so I really know how to pray. I love You. I'm really glad to be Your girl.
In Jesus' Name.
Prayer for Day 12: Fellowship. <3