Sometimes, I have this idea that after I pray, I'm suppose to have everything figured out, everything lined up and smoothed over. I feel like that's not always how it works.
Sometimes prayer is just me giving up. I don't know if it does always make me feel better, but it's letting myself know and kinda letting Jesus know that I know (oh dear, . . . lots of knows) that He is capable of healing and making it all new sometime. In His time. He is capable of taking the junk and making it good. Just not always in my time or in my way, and I need to let that be okay.
Really, what are my expectations when I come to pray?
I don't have very thrilling words to offer You today. My heart has had a yucky morning . . . a lot of feelings. Anger. Hurt. Frustration. And I've come to You, hoping You'd make it all right and make it all go away on my terms. You didn't. You don't work that way, and sometimes it scares me because I'm afraid You don't give me what I need.
I lose sight of You. I stop trusting. I am Israel.
Forgive me, Jesus. I know this is wrong. I don't always have the strength to change my mind. Please help me. Let. Go.
In Jesus' name.